Well, it turns out that I'm a great big wuss. I know to some people this may not come as much of a surprise, especially given my history with fear of snakes, but this was a bit of a let down to myself. I have a decent size Christmas village. Mainly it's 4 buildings, a few people and some decor (trees, fences, a lamp post, etc.) The people and such I bought for myself, mainly off Christmas clearance at Walmart, but Fran bought me every one of the buildings. Every year for the past 4 years that has been my standing Christmas gift from her. Try as I might, I CANNOT put them out this year. I know, I know...."She would want you to put them out." Blah, blah, blah, not gonna happen. I can't even bring myself to get them outta their boxes. I told Aaron it was because we didn't have anywhere to out them, But I know darn good and well that if I really wanted them out then dammit they'd be out. I can't even look at the boxes let alone take them out, set up the village, and look at it every day til Christmas. No. Maybe next year I'll feel different and the pain won't be so fresh. But this year I can't handle a broken heart thru the entire month of December.

Hate is a strong word

There are a few things in life that I hate. Yeh, yeh, I know-- "hate" is a very strong word, blah, blah, blah...but I do. And for these few things that I hate I seem to receive alot of flack. I'll start off with the biggest one, the one I get THE MOST FLACK over: I hate the song "Piano Man". I can hear your cries of outrage from here. I think it is one of the crappiest songs ev-er. I hate the music, the lyrics, the tempo, everything. Just hearing it come on the radio makes me want to jab a stick in my eye, or my ear would be better I guess, just to make it stop.

Here's a couple more. I kinda group these 2 together for some reason. I hate the phrase Live, Laugh, Love. It bugs me. You'd think I'd like it because it does have a happy message- Hey everybody! Live! Laugh! and Love! But it's friggin' everywhere and it's annoying. You can get that phrase on anything. Magnets, plaques, door hangers, t-shirts. You can even just have it directly printed (painted?) onto a wall in your house. I think my sister actually does have it on her kitchen wall. Ugh. (sorry sis)

This is the 2nd of those 2, "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I think more people would have that painted on their walls if it wasn't so damn long. When I'm going thru something SO BAD that it's killing me, when it's over I don't feel stronger. I feel like I've been beaten by a gang of Crips. Or Bloods. Whichever one is more vicious. Then I have to rebuild my inner strength just to get back to how emotionally strong I was before. I'm not stronger than I was. I was just beat down then got back to normal. And actually what I went thru doesn't make me stronger instead I feel a little twinge of fear/anxiaty whenever I think of going thru it, so really it made me weaker.

I'm sure I could sit here and come up with a few more things, because there are more, but I'm kinda hungry. I'm going to go grab a snack.

Disney Vacation 2010

Well, we did it. That famous right of passage that every family must take at some point: The Big Family Vacation. Not a day trip to Grandma's. Not a weekend jaunt to the Omaha Zoo. I'm talkin' a BIG one. Those of you who've made such a trip know that there's only a few places in the US from Iowa that really qualify as a Big Trip. Mount Rushmore/South Dakota is one. The Grand Canyon is another. If you're really in a pinch you could go to either coast and it would count. But we ALL know that the Holy Grail of all family vacations is a Disney Vacation. And that's what we did.

The hubby and I took both our boys to Disney World. What the hell we were smokin' when we thought this was a good, feasible plan is beyond me. But when your mind is in Disney Mode you have visions of the 4 of you, one big happy family, frolicking thru the Magic Kingdom, riding rides, eating treats, taking pictures galore, dancing with Mickey, me dressed as a Princess..... but I digress. You have all these pictures in your head and you conveniently forget about THESE things: heat, money, car travel, lines, strangers, tired legs, sore feet, B.O., crabby kids, crabby husband, crabby you and a million other things categorized under "Real Life" that threaten your perfect ideal of Disney Vacation.

If you're willing to put up with these unfortunate interruptions from Real Life (as we did) then and only then, can you truly forge ahead on you family vacay. Oh, I admit, there were a couple times I tried to ditch at least one of member of my family when we were there. Unfortunately, they always seemed to find their way back to me. (Dammit.) I tell ya, by the last half hour of the trip home- which we all know is the loooongest- I was ready to push all 3 of them to the side of the road and wish 'em the best of luck. And considering that lunch every day was over $30 (and that's for a basic meal of burgers and fries!) for all of us I considered at one point an even swap of my youngest child for our meal. But that was a no go.

I now file our Disney Vacation under the same file in my mind as roller coaster rides and both of my kids' births. Let me tell you why. After all the pain, suffering, uncomfortableness, sweat and tears, I now have nothing in my head but happy memories, nothing in my camera but smiles and fun, and nothing in my heart but a desire to go back and do it again.

Ah, allergies. Ain't they grand? There's nothing like walking around snucking all day (if you've battled allergies, you know exactly what snucking is). I have taken so much allergy medicine today that I'm waiting to fall to the floor with convulsions in a mild over-dose. I have broke out the hidden box of expensive Puff's Plus with lotion that I keep under the bathroom counter and I'm wondering how long I can keep typing before I nose-drip onto the keyboard. My guess is not that long. I keep tipping my head back in hopes that some of it will drain down my throat just for a change, but that plan will only come back to bite me in the ass later when I develope a hacking cough. My only hope for minimal comfort is to lay down on my bed, head tipped back, Puff's close by, waiting for the meds to (hopefully) kick in before I start hallucinating.

Fears

Here is a brief list of some of my top fears. My single most fear, like most people, is something happening to the husband, the kids, or a family memeber. It's such a huge fear that it's on a whole seperate list all by it's self. Here are the rest of the fears. I admit, some are irrational, but here goes:


Tie for 1st: snakes and clowns (I'm getting a huge creep factor just typing those)

Falling out of a car

Falling down the stairs

Being buried alive

Zombies chasing me

Cancer

Growing another eyeball somewhere on my body

Back to school

Well, I made it alot longer than I thought I would. I made it over half-way thru the summer before I grabbed my head in my hands and yelled, "How much longer til school staaaarrrrts??!!" Believe me, I know lots of teachers, and I know none of them are anxious for school to start. Actually, I know lots of kids who feel the same way, come to think of it. But us parents on the other hand....most of us are on the same page: Get 'em back to school!!!

I do admit, however, that there are several things I'm not looking forward to with school starting. Getting kids outta bed in the morning, homework, buying school supplies, possible calls from teachers..... But all of that will be worth it to get bored kids outta the house and into the classroom =)

Here is a small list of things I wish you could lose massive amounts of weight by doing:

eating
watching tv
yelling at kids
washing your hands
driving
facebooking
playing cards
washing dishes
petting a dog
talking on the phone
spotting Elvis
checking your email
reading
blogging
making funny faces
dusting
texting
blowing your nose
scratching a lottery ticket
shopping for flip flops
movie quoting

Weight Loss

Here is a small list of things I wish you could lose massive amounts of weight by doing:

eating
watching tv
yelling at kids
washing your hands
driving
facebooking
playing cards
washing dishes
petting a dog
talking on the phone
spotting Elvis
checking your email
reading
blogging
crying
making funny faces
dusting
texting
blowing your nose
scratching a lottery ticket

This name takes the cake

So..... I talked to a friend of mine today. Got the update on the divorce (blah, blah, blah. Nothing new there.) BUT we also talked about his sister being pregnant. A couple things: She's high risk pregnancy because of something with her heart when she was little, and they pretty much expect her to be on bedrest the last 2 months. They spent $45,000 (!!!) trying to get pregnant. It's a boy and they HAD a name picked out for him, but everyone gave them so much greif about it that they picked a different name and won't tell anyone what it is. Want to know the original name? Bazzle. Like Bazzle from Austin Powers. Yeh. Why doesn't she just kick the kids ass everyday before he goes to school and save everyone the trouble?

Knuckle

Here's my train of thought: I have a bruise on the knuckle of my wedding ring finger. Don't know how it got there, but it's not pretty. Which led me to think of a game we used to play when we were kids. A very stupid, time-wasting, painful game called Bloody Knuckles. Which in turn led to me thinking about stupid, time-wasting, sometimes painful "games" that my boys play. I call them "Let's see who's gonna cry first". For some reason they fail to see that when they are wrestling, and neither of them knows when to quit, someone is going to cry. It blows my mind that they are surprised every time when one of them ends up getting hurt, yet daddy and I can see it coming from a mile away.

I have a feeling that I'm getting ready to step on a few toes with this one (Oh goody!). For years other religions and their traditions and rules have baffled me. Jehovah's Witnesses and the Catholic church alone boggle my mind. Most of the time I look at other religion's habits with bemusement, but recently I have come across a religious rule that truly confuses me. A couple of kids that I've taken on for the summer are not allowed to eat anything with gelatin because it comes from pigs which is a clove hoof animal which is associated with the devil. (I think I should probably point out a few things: 1.) I can't remember specifically what religion they are. Their mom told me, but I forgot. 2.) Russ and I attend an Assemblies of God church. And 3.) I GET the origin of the "cloven hoof" animal thing.)

Expanding on point 3: Like I said, I get it. Cloven hoof, devil has cloven feet. Gotcha. And I know that certain religions can't eat pork products because of this. Here's what I'm having trouble with-- these kids can't eat Jello or fruit snacks. Maybe it's because I have yet to meet a kid who doesn't like Jello or fruit snacks. Or maybe it's because I consider Jello and fruit snacks a integral part of childhood. I don't know.

Actually, the more I think about it, it's not the fact that they can't eat gelatin products. I can file that into the can't-eat-bacon-and-pork-chops category. Here's what I have trouble with: these little kids (6 and 9) believe that they will go to hell if they eat fruit snacks. Really??? Not, "It's frowned upon." "It's just not a good idea." or "It will give you gas.", but "You will go to hell." I can't wrap my mind around that! And surely I can't be the only one. You can't tell me that God cares if kids eat fruit snacks.

I suppose I'll just have to resign myself to the fact that different religions have different beliefs and we all have to be tolerant and accepting. But, apparently, the kids and I are bound for hell because we love fruit snacks.

For years Fran and I have called each other Clairee (her) and Weeza (me). She is Clairee because she is the pretty, put-together, Southern Belle and I am Weeza (actually spelled Ouiser in the movie) because I plan on being an old, crotchity woman who hates everyone =) We have signed emails, letters and birthday cards this way forever. Now she is battling cancer. Again. She is a breast cancer survivor, but now it's back and it's in her liver, spine, and lymphnodes. She was taking agressive chemo, but the side effects were kicking her ass and having no "good" affect. Since it wasn't doing any good they decided to stop and now it's just a waiting game as to when her liver will give out.

It's a whole different ballgame watching a grandparent go downhill (my grandma passed away a few months ago) and watching a best friend go downhill. She is my age, married to a great guy, has 2 daughters who are 4 aqnd 6, one of which is a special needs child. She is a sister, a daughter, a stepmom, a grandma, a friend, a church goer, a Navy vet, and one of the best people I know. The unfairness of it all is hard to comprehend.

While everyone else was out enjoying beer, BBQ's, and boating this Memorial Day weekend I was staying at her house trying to soak up every possible minute with her. All the while sharing her with 13 other people who were visiting and trying to spend time with her. I was sure we'd have to install a Take-a-Number machine outside her bedroom door. Everyone's heart is breaking.

All these years she was Clairee and I was Weeza. I'll probably still become Weeza with multiple husbands, ungrateful children and a dog who's hair is falling out, but how was I to know that in the end, even though she still embodies Clairee......she's actually Shelby.

Well, while everyone else was enjoying boats, bbqs, and beer this weekend I got to go to Indiana ans watch my best friend slowing dying on cancer. She's my age

My zit

I have the biggest zit ever on my chin. How is it possible to still get zits this big at my age??? I understand maybe a little whitehead here and there due to a clogged pore, but a mini Mount Vesuvius?? C'mon! Not only is it huge but it also doesn't cover up well AND it brought a little friend who's down and to the right. Lucky for me it showed up Friday just in time for a weekend filled with seeing friends and family. <>.

The way I figure it, I have several options: 1.) I can name it and give it a permanent place on my chin (a "mini" chin, if you will), 2.) I can buy a HUGE neon sign, attach it to my head and help people notice it even more than they already do, or 3.) <> I can quit my bitchin' and suck it up like everybody else who deals with acne and hope it goes away quickly. Hmmmmm..... Looks like I'll have to go with mini chin.

Fly girl

You may or may not know this, but I am a fly swatter ninja. It's true. Every Spring when the flies start showing up in the house I grab my trusty (but cheap) pink or green fly swatters and stick one of them up on top of the fridge for easy access. Then when I see a fly (or flies) buzzing around I slip into a zen frame of mind and start swatting in a Matrix style around the kitchen. You should see my slow motion, high arc, backflip swat. It's poetry in motion.

At the beginning of the season it's not exactly challenging. The flies are new and slow and haven't been swatted at a whole lot. But as Spring heads into Summer, they get smarter, faster, and more leary. That's when I feel we become true adversaries. I start talking to the in bad voice-over, lips don't match the words, old Japanese movie talk as I stealthy stalk them through the house. They die anyway, and I trash the house chasing after them, but at least the kids get some good Summer entertainment......as they root for the fly.

Nemesis

Russ has a nemesis. They're called dandelions and they inhabit our back yard. Year after year he tries, unsucessfully, to eliminate any trace of these unsightly weeds. And year after year they beat him inot submission.

I too have a nemesis. I shall call her ex-babysitting-mom-who-is-now-a-crazy-psycho (or e.b.m.w.i.n.a.c.p. for short).

Testing....testing. 1..2..3....Is this thing on?

So....here we are. I've finally entered the blog world. Believe it or not, I actually tried other outlets before I succombed. I'm on Facebook, but sometimes there's just not enough room on the newfeed to write all that I want. Then I recently tried to start writing a book. I didn't get very far. I don't tell stories in long form that would fill a chapter. (Although I will say, my book had a kickass title.) So -voila!- here we are at my blog. Longer than the FB newsfeed, but shorter than a book. Perfect. And I'm just narcissistic enough to believe that everyone will want to read what I have to say.